I jump around reading different books, a lot.  Too much. I just struggle because I want to read it all and I want to read it all Right. Now. Often I will sit down on my yoga mat in front of my bookcase (I like to stretch my muscles and my mind at the same time) and pray “Lord, what book do you want me to read today?”

This morning it was “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way” by Lysa Terkeurst.  I picked it up and started reading where I had left off, but I felt drawn to go back and re-familiarize myself with the last chapter I had read.  When I saw the title of the chapter (Tan Feet) I remembered how the first time I read though it I had thought it was SO good I had reached out to several people and recommended they read it, so I decided to read it again.  Gosh, this book has so many truth-bombs in it it’s hard to not stop and write a whole blog post about each sentence.  It is THAT good.  I was busy underlining and highlighting in different colors (apparently the first time I read through it I must have only had a plain pencil with me and to allow a chapter this good to remain with only plain charcoal grey underlines, well that will just not do).  The pages were starting to resemble the colors in Lucky Charms cereal when I got to this sentence and pulled out my learning journal to re-write it down for myself (summarized) “Before I learn how to deal with hurtful people I have to deal first with my fear of other people’s thoughts, opinions and comments”.  Then I underlined (in a different color of course) “my fear of other people’s thoughts”.  Ok hold the phone, let’s just stop right there.

Am I really afraid of other people’s thoughts?  WHAT in the heck kind of ridiculous fear is that?  Now I’m not a particularly fearful type of person, and I’ve seen some ridiculous fears before (I’ve learned though that fears only look ridiculous when they’re other peoples fears).  For example, being afraid of a daddy longlegs.  I’m not a big fan of hairy spiders, or brightly colored it’s obvious you need to stay away from me because I’m colored like caution tape kind of spiders, or ones with fangs I can see without my reading glasses, but where I grew up I rarely saw any type of spider other than a daddy longlegs.  These are so silly looking to me.  Their huge awkward front legs make them look like they’re stumbling around drunk when they walk, the don’t jump, and I’ve read they’re either not poisonous or that they are poisonous but their fangs are too small they can’t bite humans (I’m not a spider expert and just now I had to stop myself from getting distracted by an hour long spider research). Either way, I haven’t ever been scared of them.  I had a friend though who was terrified!  If she saw one she would scream and scatter and cause a big huge scene like she just saw a grenade without the pin.  I would take a piece of paper towel, go squish it (I know, I know, it’s a beneficial organizism and I probably should have gotten an empty cup and a piece of paper and gently re-homed it outside) and then I’d search her out to let he know the crisis had been averted and she could come out now (which she was probably hiding in the closet where there was probably more spiders she just couldn’t see).  I loved my friend, so I didn’t judge and I didn’t make fun of her, ok maybe I did.  A little.  Ok I was a teenager and we were good friends and I would dramatically reenact her reaction for the friends that showed up later.  The fact is, I thought it was silly to be afraid of such a silly looking thing, but fears aren’t silly if they’re yours. 

I thought of this as I underlined “my fear of other people’s thoughts”. I thought about daddy longlegs.  What a silly thing to be afraid of!  Other people’s thoughts can’t hurt you. Wait… or can they?  Unlike the “stick and stones” phrase, words can and do hurt.  Words stay with you a looong time.  Words are powerful.  Negative words spoken over you by other people are powerful, and where do words come from?  Thoughts.  So, if we follow the logic, if other people have negative thoughts about ME, there’s a pretty good possibility if I hang around that person long enough that eventually I’ll catch them in a poor mood and those thoughts are going to come spewing out at me.
Oooooh-kay… this writing just took a turn I didn’t expect.  I expected to write about how you and I need to not fear other people’s thoughts because they’re as silly as a daddy longlegs.  But I’m questioning that now.  Maybe it’s more like a black widow.  Probably not going to hurt me, but if it does I need to know what to do to take care of myself afterwards.

 
Maybe I haven’t been giving my fear the attention it deserves.  By pretending it’s a silly fear and I should just be ok with it, instead I needed to be arming up and ready for hurt if it comes.  Fear of black widows has caused me to avoid doing things I’ve wanted to do. If I’m doing yard work and I want to go get a better tool for what I’m doing, I’ll avoid the side of the house where the tools are kept if I’ve seen a black widow over there recently.  There is a mess of old growth over in one area in my yard, I want to cut it back so fresh new things can grow there but I have been avoiding that area until a time I’m better prepared wearing long pants and long sleeves and gloves.  What about other thing that I can be afraid of? When I’m hiking and I see the “warning, rattlesnake area” sign, I feel more at peace if I have my snake bite kit with me.  If I’m running and I see a loose dog, I feel better if I have my pepper spray with me just in case (thankfully I’ve never had to use it).

So if being prepared can lessen fears.  How do I prepare for other people’s thoughts?  By changing who’s thoughts I care about.  

Lysa says “I will never be able to control what other people have going on in their heads or in their conversations.  But with the help of the Holy Spirit in me, I can absolutely learn to control how much I allow the fear of their opinions to have access to my life”.  

“The more I focus on wanting others to change, the more frustrated I will become.  But frustration can turn to forward motion when I take on the project of me”.

Enter the story of the bathing suit, you HAVE to go read the story of the bathing suit.

Here’s my summation.  Stick and stones may break my bones, but if I believe lies then words can really hurt me.  So the prevention, and the treatment, is in sorting out lies from truth. The truth is attacks from black widows, rattlesnakes & loose dogs are rarely fatal if treated.  Knowing who I am & Who’s I am.  I am a daughter of the Most High King.  The maker of the universe created me (and you) on purpose, for a purpose, and He doesn’t make mistakes. You know what that means? The same person who hung the stars, who set the waves crashing on the beach, thinks I’m pretty cool. He thinks I’m pretty awesome actually. The preparation and the treatment is found in concerning myself more with what my maker’s opinion of me is than what hurt, deceived people think. Hurt people, hurt people. They didn’t make me, so their thoughts of me don’t get any power unless I give it, and I’m DONE giving it. Are you?

If you are FED up believing lies and ready to experience some HUGE changes in your life, your fitness, your home organization, your marriage, your parenting, your freedom or your faith, JOIN ME inside Mom Mastery University! Or if you’re not sure yet, message me directly and ask for my Mom Mastery walkthrough, I’ll send you all the details of exactly what it is and how it works.