So, it’s my birthday, and I woke up sad. This year hasn’t looked like I thought it would or should look. I don’t think I’m alone in this one, we’ve all experiences some stuff we never thought we would this year.
I’m in process.
Speaking of things in process, I have one side of my bedroom (which I prefer to keep a mess free zone since it’s important to have a retreat and a place of peace) I’ve temporarily allocated a wall to be my “process” area. Basically, most of my and the family’s to-do’s, not-done-yets and gotta-get-to-this’s from aaaaalll over the house have been put in one “in-box” spot so I can visually see the pile and also see the process. #gettingthingsdone
There’s just one problem. Well, two.
1. It’s discouraging to see a pile of stuff every morning.
2. Sometimes messes get bigger as you go through the process to clean them up.
This “In-box” area was supposed to be done already. I was supposed to be further ahead. Am I the only one that hears a voice on my birthday that whispers that same thing. “You’re supposed to be further ahead by now”.
On this birthday, I have visual proof, SEE! I really AM not as far as I should be. Then, in typical wallowing fashion, my head goes looking for more proof. You know what else? I’m not as far as I should be in the rest of the house, in business, in ministry, with my health, with my family, and heeeere is a long list of all the details and proof.
Thankfully, I did what I’ve programmed myself to to do when my head starts going down a dark ally. I turn on a light with 4 magic words. ”Alexa, play worship music”. Do you know you can’t have praise and anxiety in your head at the same time? That’s another post though, so stay with me here I’m almost there.
I was zoning out a bit as my hurt heart was still trying to focus on the struggle when a lyric floated through the fog “Everything else fades when I look Your way”.
Everything else fades. I’d like that. Yes please. I’d like this litany of crap ticker taping through my head to fade.
I remembered a moment at a woman’s retreat, I think it was Donna Jones who painted a word picture for me about all the things of this world that we stare at and give our attention, if we just look at the cross the rest of it all fades away. She put one finger up in front of her face and told us to do the same, and then to try to focus on the finger, then shift our focus on our surroundings. Try it. You can’t see both at the same time.
I had an idea. I got a cross and I took a photo on portrait mode of it in front of my life’s mess. Then I shifted my focus and took another photo of the cross in focus. In the first photo, you can see the mess and you can still see kinda see the cross though it’s not super clear. In the second photo though what’s interesting is that when I focused on the cross, I can barely see the mess. Did you catch that? I can barely see the mess.
I’m in process. You’re in process. We’re all in process, ALL the time. This particular mess will be cleaned up eventually (please Lord in Jesus’ name) but there will be more. Life in this world is like the ocean, if a wave isn’t hitting you now then one’s on it’s way. I get to choose if I’m going to keep my eyes fixed on my troubles and hurts or if I turn my face and my focus towards the One who can give me peace in any storm.
Song to listen to:
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